Bowstring 92 – Manager of Torino FC
Urbano Cairo, the chairman of Torino FC announced that a manager has been found for the newly promoted Serie A team. Calling the shots in the 2012/13 season is underdog manager, Bowstring, all the way from Dublin. Having played a ‘dead’ year in the 2010/11 season he ended up nearly at the 2 million rank. Last year saw him shoot up the ranks to 365k, which by FFS standards, is still pretty low. He joined up on FFS early last season and has enjoyed every moment since. Bowstring is not afraid to give his honest opinion, even when it involves likening Santi Cazorla to Stewart Downing. This year though, he hopes to get back on track after two disappointing seasons and will certainly be one to watch. Earlier we interviewed the man himself:
Press – So, Bowstring what are your thoughts and feelings on becoming the new manager of Torino FC?
Bowstring – Firstly, it’s a great honour to be accepted into Serie A as part of the UEFA council and I hope to show that I am capable of keeping the standard up in this very competitive league and get the best result I can with Torino. Big shout out to all the members that put their hard work into the organisation and recruitment of this league.
Press – Let’s talk tactics, how do you see the team shaping up?
Bowstring – Well without giving too much away and naming our watchlist targets, we plan on going for a 3-4-3 formation and we’ll take it from there. We’re looking at a very balanced team both defensively and offensively with some proven players for reliability, and some unproven players as differentials.
Beavis – Manager of SC Bastia
Following the promotion from Ligue 2 after a very successful campaign in which SC Bastia won the league by 6 points and amassed the best goal difference (+25), the board of directors has surprisingly decided to appoint the inexperienced 22-year old Beavis as their new manager.
This decision has left the previous manager, Frédéric Hantz, very disappointed and has simply reiterated the ever-changing and unforgiving circumstances in which football is being run in the modern day. It is reminiscent of the unfair way in which Vicente del Bosque was not offered a new contract back in 2003 for Real Madrid despite winning the league for in 2001 and 2003, as well as the Champions League in 2000 and 2002. Hantz will be hoping to follow in del Bosque’s footsteps and prove his doubters and previous employers wrong.
SC Bastia will similarly be hoping that they do not eat humble pie and that Beavis can lead them to a respectable finish in Ligue 1. Beavis himself will be hoping that his experienced players like Jerome Rothen, who played in the 2004 Champions League final for Monaco, and the captain Yannick Cahuzac will lead by example and try to push the team forward in what has been described as a ‘new era’ by the board of directors.
Beavis also took the time to introduce himself and point out that not only did SC Bastia have top players, but now they also had a top manager. Following his 580th overall finish in last year’s season, he dubbed himself ‘The Amazing One’ and said that the SC Bastia fans had nothing to fear this year, as well as promising them European qualification at the very least.
Although this would be described by most as farfetched and unrealistic, you cannot fault Beavis’ ambition and it will be very interesting to see how the Ligue 2 champions will fare against France’s big boys.
Press – What are your aims and greatest challenges this year?
Bowstring – Well we aim to progress in the competition as much as possible, but at the same time I’m aware that this league is no walk in the park. You have managers like Milanista, LittleWizard, Daniel, Menly, Isacki, Forca and Mark who don’t make things easy for the underdog. Competing with them is our main challenge. My aims are simple – use my budget to get a balanced team before the season starts and just give it our best with as few hits as possible.
Press – Do you feel that this ‘underdog’ can make an impact this year?
Bowstring – Definitely. Torino (Craggy Island XI) will not go down without a fight. This year is a new start for me, I know I’m a small fish in a big pond, but all I can do is my best. I know my record hasn’t been great but hey, if Kenny Dalglish can manage Liverpool then surely I can have a go with Torino. Not to mention that I’ve played 4 seasons with them on FIFA. We’ve also got the Stairway to Heaven league (L5), some leagues that the FFS regulars set up, and a few money leagues to try and make our mark in.
Press – Thank you Bowstring for your time and good luck in the coming season.
Bowstring – Thank you very much.
Tangtastic – Manager of RCD Espanyol
—UEFA COUNCIL BEAKING NEWS—
—RCD ESPANYOL PRESS STATEMENT—
RCD Espanyol were proud to present their new manager, Tangtastic, at a busy press conference held at the Estadi Cornellà-El Prat this evening in Barcelona.
Speaking to the media, Tangtastic said he has long been an admirer of the Parakeets and that as soon as he’d got the call he was ‘always going to take the job, because £71 a week JSA only goes so far’.
The new manager boasts an impressive CV having previously led clubs such as Fulham, Norwich and Doncaster to league and European success, in a career spanning nearly 100+ game years in Football Manager. Tangtastic’s career however has never been far from controversy, with rumours of cheating having dogged him at each tenure he has held. Allegations of ‘CTRL+ALT+DELETE’ and selling reserve team players for £40m after cheekily taking over Man Utd and Man City, are suspicions long held by many within the football community.
When questioned about these accusations, Tangtastic replied:
‘Look here mate, I achieved 3 back to back promotions, 10 years of dominance in the Premiership and 3 European cup successes with Doncaster Rovers. That should speak for itself. And to be honest, I’m already fed up with your c*ntish questions’.
In shocking scenes that followed, Tangtastic kicked over his chair and stormed out of the press room, leaving the bewildered Chairman of Espanyol, Ramon Condal, speechless and slightly red faced. When asked to comment, Mr Condal could only say ‘ok, maybe we made a mistake but he seemed like a nice guy and its not as if we’re going to win the league right?’.
—END PRESS STATEMENT—
4VETS – Manager of Hamburg SV
Following last season’s disastrous 15th place in the Bundesliga, Hamburg SV announce the seemingly bizarre appointment of a new manager, 4vets. Little is known about Herr Vets but on arrival at the Volksparkstadion he was swift to make sweeping changes, sacking everyone in the club and selling all players, then installing he’s own management and playing squad.
In a statement to the press he said “A writer has summed up the impressions made on him by this time in a book which he entitled ‘The Decline of Hamburg SV.’ Is it then really to be the end of our history and of our team? No! We cannot believe it. This age must be called, not the decline of Hamburg SV, but the resurrection of the team of this Hamburg of ours! Only that which was old, decayed and evil perishes; and let it die! But new life will spring up. Faith can be found, if the will is there. Our leadership has the will, and faith is with the team.”
MJ6987 – Manager of Atalanta
After originally applying for the top post of lowly Ligue 1 side Nancy, the enigmatic MJ6987 was the shock appointment to the vacant Serie A post at Atalanta BC. With an impressive FPL pedigree (15k, top 500, 9k) MJ looks to have the tools required for the job.
However, MJ is going to have to equal or better Atalanta’s record ever Serie A finish of 5th (1948) if he is going to achieve his ambition of a UCL place. MJ has hit back at suggestions that he is filling his squad with too many hopeful gambles “Yes, there are one or two punts in there but there is also a spine of proven quality and I am confident that we can surprise a few of the big boys once the season starts”.
In other news, MJ has shocked some by his appointment of one time FFS bad boy RBJ as motivational psychologist to his squad. We will wait to see whether this gamble pays off or not.
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