Press Conferences -18th Aug

Pressers are raining in, so we will try and keep it limited to 4 per post

Rounding of the last of the pressers before the deadline

Bedknobs and Boomsticks – Manager of Fenerbahce

Shock news from Istanbul, where it appears that David Tomlinson, washed up Disney actor, Beloved President of Niue, and the new Owner / Manager / Dictator of Fenerbahce has sent the entire first team out on loan.

Refusing to confirm or deny that the players had been marched out of the ground at gunpoint by a platoon of Polynesian chimney sweeps, Tomlinson explained;

“They’ve all gone. I found many of the existing players to be either too short, too tall, or too average in height, plus the one who was a rhinoceros kept on popping the ball with his horn. Not one of them knew all 57 verses of the Nuie Anthem of Praise and none of them turned up to training wearing a red carnation in their button hole as is the new club policy. Frankly they had to go.”

“All except for Kuyt of course!”

“Instead of that shower I plan to bring in perhaps 15 new players, all for a budget of 100,000,000 pounds sterling, which I currently have invested in the bank (along with my original tuppence I might add).”

“Dirk Kuyt will remain in employment as my personal servant. He has a contract and we at Fenerbahce plan to ensure he honours it. No matter how distasteful he may find his new duties.”

“Come here Kuyt!”

Original Link –

Dr Ennet – Manager of Lorient

17th August 2012 – L’Orient

The tall and rather pale figure who appeared in the room brought with him an aura of eerie chills. He smiled at the crowd of reporters but it was not a friendly smile. It was evident that this man was not there to make friends.

14th May 1944 – Somewhere in France

As the war had gone on for way too long, Jaque Briand, was tired. Very tired. He had lost his platoon and was wandering aimlessly to try to find anyone who was not hostile. As he reached the outskirts of a small town in the northwest of France, a tall rather pale man appeared from out of nowhere walking slowly towards him. He acted on instinct and readied his rifle, aiming it at the approaching figure. – Arrêt! he shouted, but the man kept approaching him. He tensed and slowly started to squeeze the trigger. – Stop, or I’ll shoot! he tried in English, but to no avail. The man increased his pace. Jaque Briand’s last thought before his head was separated from his body was: – Nobody is that fast! The rifle fell to the ground without Jaque even firing a single round. The tall man looked down on Jaque’s head and whispered in Swedish: – Doktorn är här. Nu slipper du lida mer.

17th August 2012 – L’Orient

The press conference started by introducing the tall man as Dr Ennet, the new manager for FC Lorient. Their previous manager, Gourcuff, had mysteriously resigned and left the country in a haste. A burly reporter said with a smile: – Dr Ennet, some say you are over a thousand years old and have the devil on speed dial. This comment broke the tension in the room and laughter chased away the eerie chill. Dr Ennet made a mental note to question his staff in pursuit of the informer, as he smiled at the reporter and replied: – Then I suggest you sleep with one eye open my friend. The laughter died and the burly reporter looked almost as pale as the good doctor. After an uncomfortable pause, a female reporter asked what his goals were for the season. – Well, isn’t that pretty obvious? We’re going to send all the other teams to hell, he said still smiling. This time cautious laughter erupted. The rest of the presser went by smoothly, but as the doctor answered all the questions politely, his mind was somewhere else. He needed to finalize ‘the sport drink’ in the lab before the season was under way, and test it on the reserves to find out if there were any strange side effects. With that thought he left the room taking the eerie chill with him.

That’s all for today.

For those of you who aren’t aware, a safe haven has been made for all those who fondly remember the times where the pages would move at our leisure ( )where a lot of regulars are hanging out despite the newer posts. We will keep you updated with their whereabouts. At the same time, it is not a bad idea to do some public service by helping some of the newbies (faceless grav’s) in the newer post.

It’s been a good summer for sports. But as enjoyable as the Euros were, as inspiring as the Olympics were, aren’t we glad that we can finally welcome back the Premier League. I’m sure you are all pumped up, without me needing to spur you on.

So on behalf of the council members, & contributors, wishing you all a terrific season of FPL.


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